Day 6

Monday

11/11/2013

Listening to my thoughts

Dear Diary,

There is a sense of liberty.  A feeling of serenity is in the mist of a failed relationship. Everyone’s has seemed to come to me with offerings of love and time. In which I have taken full advantage of. But when they come and ask if I am ok or text me or call me asking the same I say I am doing “Ok”. Most of them believe me, others believer I am suppressing or lying. The reality is that I am completely aware of what is going on and have actually felt differently and have reacted to this situation differently as most would have expected. See, the thing is I have a reputation on not handling the end of a relationship oh so well. Today I have finally removed him from my face book and have deleted all pictured that might have us together in them. He hated taking pictures with me, as I always wanted to capture every moment with him. But this time around I have found myself in a sense that I want his happiness as well as mine. I gave that relationship my all and have yet to regret doing so. If anything I am grateful to God (my higher power) for giving me a chance to learn from this rather than to mourn a loss I have gained. I gained the hunger to live again and the passion to make life worth living. We are never too young or old to feel or act this way. There is never accordance to as what we as humans should rightfully be doing at the time within our age. See, to me the point in life is not to please everyone else but are we pleasing ourselves with what we believe is correct. Yet what is correct in our eyes could be irrelevant or heinous to others. Wanting to be accepted, loved, cared for can be a desire of the soul yet we forget that these are things that should be given to us by us. When taking all those memories and changing my relationship status to single, it did not seem to hurt or entice the need to rekindle our relationship. In fact, it did the opposite. I wanted to live again, find that fire passion that has always been my strongest quality for life and dreams. My excitement for life has return to me as it had been diminished within this relationship. Yet he did not see me deteriorate within the relationship or my stress levels because of it, I always believed in making him happy. Even though my inner woman or girl wishes that everyone I knew hated him I can only wish that no one sees him differently as he is a good man. He just wasn’t the man for me. Love is a dangerous and most mischievous thing and yet we spend almost our entire lives in search for it or questioning if we have truly found it. Society or culturally we have a time clock to follow which makes us make irrational decisions, which later on bring us to our unhappiness and questioning of where we went wrong. If we would to just focus on the higher power within our lives and see that we have always had the control to our own happiness perhaps no so many would be tied down with the wrong people. But yet they complain of their unhappiness but stick beating the same drum that cannot be tuned to the music they want to play. How will you take control of your happiness? My journey has just begun.

With much love,

Zazu

ps: Its ok to cry, to yell, to scream to the top of your lungs. It heals the soul. Its ok to feel. Then let it go.